it hurts.

Really, there is only one way to describe the way you feel when you get a second cancer diagnosis. The simple way would be to say that it hurts. The more in depth way would be to say that it feels like your insides are being ripped apart slowly, and by someone who has a dull set of scissors. I guess that's a little graphic, but I think it helps paint the picture.

And I think one of the hardest parts about this all is that you wish there was something you could do to help. Like I said before, you wish you could take part of the pain away and handle it yourself. You walk around every day, with a lump the size of a mountain stuck in your throat, threatening to burst at any moment in time. So you almost hope that people don't ask how you're doing- so you won't have to lie- and so the dam won't break. But at the same time, if they don't ask how you're doing, you get so angry at them for being heartless and insensitive. It's hard to describe your feelings, and hard to be able to decipher what feeling belongs in which compartment. You might be sad, which literally makes you a couple inches shorter, due to the fact that you're carrying around the weight of the world. You might be hopeful, which leaves your eyes glistening. You might be thankful, but still have a lump in your throat.

Anyway. When I get really stressed out about things, I like to have a to-do list. I like to have an action plan. So here's what I am doing, and what you can do as well.

-Sending flowers is an easy and a nice way for Meghan to know you're supporting her. Since I'm a crafter and I feel that crafting is a soothing way for me to handle and deal, I'm sewing flowers. I'll post pics of that, but only after Meghan gets them in the mail. She likes to cheat sometimes and peek at presents.

-It is always meaningful when someone makes something special that shows or says how you feel. In this instance, I think it would be lovely and wonderful- even if you don't know her personally, to write your name on a heart and send it to her in the mail. How great would it be for her to hang hearts all over her room with names of people that love her?

-Snail mail always rules. It's personal and requires effort and means more. And it's a simple way to brighten anyone's day... even if it's just a postcard.

-Financial help is pretty obvious and definitely useful. Meghan has at least two hours of driving everyday for radiation in the winter across extremely windy farm late in a boxy v-6. which might not mean much to you but to her and her family that means gas chomper. The average for Canadian gas in Ontario right now is $3.64 per gallon (.96 per liter.) that adds up quickly in car that gets under 20 miles to the gallon.

-Email. But not just one to say you're sad. Its nice and true, but it is much more beneficial if your intention is to talk (about anything and everything) rather than to tell her what you are feeling.

-For right now we need to keep phone calls limited. While it's quick, it can also be exhausting for the Baker's. They need rest, so please be respectful of them as a family. If you want to send something get in touch with Me (via the comments with your email address) and I'll send you her address or email.

-Lastly, don't run away. This may be hard on you, and your way of dealing with it might be to forget about it, to isolate yourself from others, or to pretend like it's not there. Don't do this. Meghan needs your love and support, and you need a network of people as well. Don't run away from your friends. Lean on them and let them help you through it. Be vulnerable with the people in your life...

-Pray without ceasing. Pray for comfort, for peace, for strength, for patience, for hope, for miracles.

Please use this link for monetary donations, we appreciate all of you and your support in whatever form you choose;

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