Nobody really cares as much about your kids as much as you do. I get that. But really. This is Ed. Everyone should love him just as much as I do. He just wants to learn how to Dougie. And really, you can't blame him.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
this is basically it.
I read this article this morning, and I got confused... I didn't remember writing anything for Relevant Magazine, but it's basically my story? (Except for the part about marrying a guy named Marc.)
When my husband and I got married, I was ticked at how many people threw marriage books at us. We accumulated at least 15 books within a matter of one month—and it made me feel like I didn’t matter before as a single person. Not once had anyone given me a book to help me navigate life as a single girl. Sure, I bought I Kissed Dating Goodbye for myself because it was popular, but the concept only confirmed my worst fear: I would be single forever.
My whole life I tried hard not to believe the lie that only married people matter. Whenever I would visit a Christian bookstore, I noticed there were many shelves dedicated to marriage books. But for the single person, the books took up only one shelf.
This seems unbalanced to me. Married people are not the only ones deserving of life guidance; singles are making quality decisions that determine the direction of their life, and not just one decision, but many: Who are you going to befriend? What school will you go to? How are you going to pay for it? What job are you going to pursue? Where will you live and travel? What church will you invest into?
"Who are you going to marry?" is neither the only nor the most important question on that list.
Clichés That Make Us Cringe
If you’re single, chances are you’ve heard the clichés. You’ve heard so many you could probably fill a book with them. In my opinion, these two are the absolute worst when it comes to relationships: “Until you learn to be content in your singleness, God won’t bring you a spouse,” and, “Until you stop looking for your spouse, there he/she will be.”
But let’s be honest: Clichés don’t work. I spent most of my 20s as a single woman, and if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that love stories differ. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to romance.
I don’t know about you, but I hated being single. I hated advertising my relationship status on Facebook. At the very least, I thought I deserved a boyfriend. Didn’t following God, starting my own ministry and helping churches across America at least deserve a first date with someone?
I remember many dateless Valentine's Days on which I prayed: "Come on, God. Help me write my own love story!"
I read dating books to find my spouse sooner. I tried online dating. I followed the rules, advice and clichés from older women who had been there, done that. Nothing I did worked. However—and I hope you hear me on this—I’m so glad I waited because God needed to school me in a few areas. I had a lot to learn through my singleness. It wasn’t just a time of waiting around for the phone to ring.
Waiting Actively
I used my single years to figure out where I wanted to go and what made me tick. I pursued my passions. I finished my education. I managed my finances. I paid off all my debts. (Except for my student loans—those are going to take a while.)
Changes occurred internally as well. I discovered my worth as a singular person. I chose to no longer believe the lie that I was too fat to be in a relationship. I learned to let go of the media’s portrayal of the perfect man would take my breath away and fill me with purpose, and God taught me how to find my significance in Him.
I’ll be honest: It was a struggle. As I entered my late 20s, it had been eight years since my last long-term relationship. But instead of waiting around passively, I learned to pursue life. I traveled, spoke, wrote books, created and had fun. I saw life from the viewpoint of contentment. For the first time, that rosy hue wasn’t because I was drinking someone else’s Kool Aid. I clearly saw my single life as worth something. I loved the thought that God was positioning me—whether single or married—to bring glory to Him through my life, ministry and work.
Serving God Solo or Together
During those single years of discovering my passion for life, I still thought how great it would be to bring God glory together with another. And perhaps, when God brought Marc into my life, it was because my "singleness-to-glory ratio" was now fully maximized; for me, it was time to partner with someone and learn how to bring God glory together.
I know firsthand clichés don’t work in the moment—they never do. If you’re single, the last thing you want to hear is someone telling you how to find an easy answer. Clichés are never enough and they rarely comfort or encourage. What I appreciated most from people when I was single was giving me their time. I needed someone to talk to and listen to me and my complaints. I needed to know that all my dating crises were going to be worth it someday, and that I hadn’t completely messed up so badly that God couldn’t bring someone into my life, or fulfill me on my own. I needed to be reminded that I could even take advantage of all God had for me during any time.
Even if you feel like you don’t matter—or you wish you were having marriage books thrown at you instead of tired clichés—you’re worth it. Maybe God does write love stories—but the bigger, greater story is open to everyone, no matter what stage of life they are in.
Renee Johnson Fisher is a spirited speaker and writer to twentysomethings. Her second book, Not Another Dating Book (Harvest House), releases February 2012, and you can find Renee blogging at DevotionalDiva.com.
When my husband and I got married, I was ticked at how many people threw marriage books at us. We accumulated at least 15 books within a matter of one month—and it made me feel like I didn’t matter before as a single person. Not once had anyone given me a book to help me navigate life as a single girl. Sure, I bought I Kissed Dating Goodbye for myself because it was popular, but the concept only confirmed my worst fear: I would be single forever.
My whole life I tried hard not to believe the lie that only married people matter. Whenever I would visit a Christian bookstore, I noticed there were many shelves dedicated to marriage books. But for the single person, the books took up only one shelf.
This seems unbalanced to me. Married people are not the only ones deserving of life guidance; singles are making quality decisions that determine the direction of their life, and not just one decision, but many: Who are you going to befriend? What school will you go to? How are you going to pay for it? What job are you going to pursue? Where will you live and travel? What church will you invest into?
"Who are you going to marry?" is neither the only nor the most important question on that list.
Clichés That Make Us Cringe
If you’re single, chances are you’ve heard the clichés. You’ve heard so many you could probably fill a book with them. In my opinion, these two are the absolute worst when it comes to relationships: “Until you learn to be content in your singleness, God won’t bring you a spouse,” and, “Until you stop looking for your spouse, there he/she will be.”
But let’s be honest: Clichés don’t work. I spent most of my 20s as a single woman, and if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that love stories differ. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to romance.
I don’t know about you, but I hated being single. I hated advertising my relationship status on Facebook. At the very least, I thought I deserved a boyfriend. Didn’t following God, starting my own ministry and helping churches across America at least deserve a first date with someone?
I remember many dateless Valentine's Days on which I prayed: "Come on, God. Help me write my own love story!"
I read dating books to find my spouse sooner. I tried online dating. I followed the rules, advice and clichés from older women who had been there, done that. Nothing I did worked. However—and I hope you hear me on this—I’m so glad I waited because God needed to school me in a few areas. I had a lot to learn through my singleness. It wasn’t just a time of waiting around for the phone to ring.
Waiting Actively
I used my single years to figure out where I wanted to go and what made me tick. I pursued my passions. I finished my education. I managed my finances. I paid off all my debts. (Except for my student loans—those are going to take a while.)
Changes occurred internally as well. I discovered my worth as a singular person. I chose to no longer believe the lie that I was too fat to be in a relationship. I learned to let go of the media’s portrayal of the perfect man would take my breath away and fill me with purpose, and God taught me how to find my significance in Him.
I’ll be honest: It was a struggle. As I entered my late 20s, it had been eight years since my last long-term relationship. But instead of waiting around passively, I learned to pursue life. I traveled, spoke, wrote books, created and had fun. I saw life from the viewpoint of contentment. For the first time, that rosy hue wasn’t because I was drinking someone else’s Kool Aid. I clearly saw my single life as worth something. I loved the thought that God was positioning me—whether single or married—to bring glory to Him through my life, ministry and work.
Serving God Solo or Together
During those single years of discovering my passion for life, I still thought how great it would be to bring God glory together with another. And perhaps, when God brought Marc into my life, it was because my "singleness-to-glory ratio" was now fully maximized; for me, it was time to partner with someone and learn how to bring God glory together.
I know firsthand clichés don’t work in the moment—they never do. If you’re single, the last thing you want to hear is someone telling you how to find an easy answer. Clichés are never enough and they rarely comfort or encourage. What I appreciated most from people when I was single was giving me their time. I needed someone to talk to and listen to me and my complaints. I needed to know that all my dating crises were going to be worth it someday, and that I hadn’t completely messed up so badly that God couldn’t bring someone into my life, or fulfill me on my own. I needed to be reminded that I could even take advantage of all God had for me during any time.
Even if you feel like you don’t matter—or you wish you were having marriage books thrown at you instead of tired clichés—you’re worth it. Maybe God does write love stories—but the bigger, greater story is open to everyone, no matter what stage of life they are in.
Renee Johnson Fisher is a spirited speaker and writer to twentysomethings. Her second book, Not Another Dating Book (Harvest House), releases February 2012, and you can find Renee blogging at DevotionalDiva.com.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Thursday, November 24, 2011
I can't even handle it.
Ed and I get in the same fight every morning, and it looks like the above. Basically, he wants his doggy bone, and I want him to bark for it. I see nothing wrong with this.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thankfulness
This past week, I celebrated my 29th bday. I am filled with so much hope and peace for this next year. I can't explain when it happened, or even how it happened, but I have finally come to a place of peace in my life. With so much upheaval over the past couple of years, it is so wonderful to just sit and rest in God's presence without the cloud of doom hanging over my head. I've had to make some pretty tough decisions, all in an effort to arrive at the place I am today.
I am so, so thankful for where I am at now. I live in a location that is good for my heart. The sand and the ocean are equally calming and inspiring, my friends are encouraging and challenging, my job is secure and uses my talents, my church is a place of rest. I know the rough years were there to change me into the woman God wants me to be, but it sure wasn't easy to deal with. I don't understand it, but I'm trying to learn from it.
I got a tattoo back in July, and am constantly reminded (at times surprised) by it. (side note... it was the most ridiculous kind of elective pain to go through. I don't understand how/ why people would get more than one tat. ever.) It signifies, to me, hope and the promises of God to his people. The reference, Deuteronomy 31:8, is so applicable to me: "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
To quote Hope Floats: "... when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will... "
I am so, so thankful for where I am at now. I live in a location that is good for my heart. The sand and the ocean are equally calming and inspiring, my friends are encouraging and challenging, my job is secure and uses my talents, my church is a place of rest. I know the rough years were there to change me into the woman God wants me to be, but it sure wasn't easy to deal with. I don't understand it, but I'm trying to learn from it.
I got a tattoo back in July, and am constantly reminded (at times surprised) by it. (side note... it was the most ridiculous kind of elective pain to go through. I don't understand how/ why people would get more than one tat. ever.) It signifies, to me, hope and the promises of God to his people. The reference, Deuteronomy 31:8, is so applicable to me: "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
To quote Hope Floats: "... when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will... "
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
More of the tender, mushy heart.
To my dismay, the tenderheartedness is still in existence. I cried at a wedding this weekend. If you put me at a good friend's wedding, in the midst of a military homecoming, or around Ed and his cuteness, I will cry.
I attended a good friend's wedding this past weekend, and it was so lovely. She turned 30 this year, and spent her birthday solo in wine country- just because she felt like it. In many ways, she's an inspiration to me. She lives a happy, fulfilled life... still one with hurts and pain and grief and even despair, at times. And yet, after all her years of singleness, she remained joyful. Joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Actually, let me quote a couple verses from Romans 12: 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
She embodies all of these charges. She delights herself in the Lord, and she was rewarded with the best gift. Her love and gratitude for the man God provided for her is and was so evident on her wedding day. I've never seen such a happy, excited, hopeful bride than her. She literally bounced along the entire night, so blissful, so... explosive. Explosive in the idea that maybe your heart is so big and full and happy that you might just... burst. And yet, it wasn't one of those loves that makes you painfully aware of your own self and makes you want to vomit; it delights to envelop you into their love, their hope, their joy.
With Jesus as the entire center of their world and being(s), it seems appalling to even think they had anything to do with their love story. Their love story was crafted, managed, and molded by Jesus and Jesus alone.
It was such a delight to share in their joy.
Oh- they had a balloon animal-maker at the cocktail hour.
And I got to create the centerpieces.
I attended a good friend's wedding this past weekend, and it was so lovely. She turned 30 this year, and spent her birthday solo in wine country- just because she felt like it. In many ways, she's an inspiration to me. She lives a happy, fulfilled life... still one with hurts and pain and grief and even despair, at times. And yet, after all her years of singleness, she remained joyful. Joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Actually, let me quote a couple verses from Romans 12: 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
She embodies all of these charges. She delights herself in the Lord, and she was rewarded with the best gift. Her love and gratitude for the man God provided for her is and was so evident on her wedding day. I've never seen such a happy, excited, hopeful bride than her. She literally bounced along the entire night, so blissful, so... explosive. Explosive in the idea that maybe your heart is so big and full and happy that you might just... burst. And yet, it wasn't one of those loves that makes you painfully aware of your own self and makes you want to vomit; it delights to envelop you into their love, their hope, their joy.
With Jesus as the entire center of their world and being(s), it seems appalling to even think they had anything to do with their love story. Their love story was crafted, managed, and molded by Jesus and Jesus alone.
It was such a delight to share in their joy.
Oh- they had a balloon animal-maker at the cocktail hour.
And I got to create the centerpieces.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
HURRICANE MADNESSSSSS
So I figured with Hurricane Irene making her way up the East Coast, I'd do what any other Norfolkian would do and stay home to challenge the storm. That is, until I got a text Friday morning from my brother offering his house up as a safe haven. Knowing full well of his ulterior motives of wanting to see Ed, I quickly jumped on the chance to go visit- the offer does not come along every day. I rushed home after putting plastic tarps over my computer keyboard to stave off the UTTER DESTRUCTION that would inevitably ensue, packed up the puppy and headed North(ish). Northwest. Whatever. The usual 3.5 hour drive took about 6 hours. No problem. I've got my dog (who looked like this most of the trip), and a book on tape (Decision Points by George W. Bush, which is super-interesting so far, btw).
Brotherbear lives adjacent to the Marine Barracks in the Capitol Hill area of DC, and a distant memory of mine includes going to the Marine Barracks on Friday nights to watch the dapper marines march. I used to get escorted in on the arm of a delightful young soldier; now I awkwardly walk by the (still delightful) young soldiers, but feel much more intimidated by their presence (say awkwardly, slightly funny things, and then walk quickly away). (One day, I hope to woo my husband with my awkwardness. Jury's still out on that one.) All that to say- parking was nonexistent. And in this case, you MOST DEFINITELY do not want to park on the other side of the bridge. No, for reals. Not even a joke this time. I parked the car on the other side, got out for 15 seconds, got back in, and proceeded to drive around for another 15 minutes looking for a place to stop my car.
I woke up the next morning, and completed something that has been on my to-do list for the past 15 or so years (that's three times in two sentences I've used the number "15". I recognize that.); I went running on the Mall. No, not in the mall. On the mall. The national grassy-lawned mall. Mission accomplished with a 3.5ish mile run. I celebrated by having a cupcake. (See below.) And because I'm so cool (nerd.), I named the picture file "hurricupcakes". I'm so stinkin clever I can't even stand myself sometimes.
And then the hurrycane was nonexistent after that. Rather, I shouldn't say nonexistent- I should say... uneventful. This is Sunday morning on the streets:
EXCEPT FOR THIS UTTER DEVASTATION!!! I arrived back home to this sad, sad scene. This patio set is certainly causing some grief in my life. Ideas of what to replace the glass with, or how to go about replacing it? AHHHHH.
That's all.
Brotherbear lives adjacent to the Marine Barracks in the Capitol Hill area of DC, and a distant memory of mine includes going to the Marine Barracks on Friday nights to watch the dapper marines march. I used to get escorted in on the arm of a delightful young soldier; now I awkwardly walk by the (still delightful) young soldiers, but feel much more intimidated by their presence (say awkwardly, slightly funny things, and then walk quickly away). (One day, I hope to woo my husband with my awkwardness. Jury's still out on that one.) All that to say- parking was nonexistent. And in this case, you MOST DEFINITELY do not want to park on the other side of the bridge. No, for reals. Not even a joke this time. I parked the car on the other side, got out for 15 seconds, got back in, and proceeded to drive around for another 15 minutes looking for a place to stop my car.
I woke up the next morning, and completed something that has been on my to-do list for the past 15 or so years (that's three times in two sentences I've used the number "15". I recognize that.); I went running on the Mall. No, not in the mall. On the mall. The national grassy-lawned mall. Mission accomplished with a 3.5ish mile run. I celebrated by having a cupcake. (See below.) And because I'm so cool (nerd.), I named the picture file "hurricupcakes". I'm so stinkin clever I can't even stand myself sometimes.
And then the hurrycane was nonexistent after that. Rather, I shouldn't say nonexistent- I should say... uneventful. This is Sunday morning on the streets:
EXCEPT FOR THIS UTTER DEVASTATION!!! I arrived back home to this sad, sad scene. This patio set is certainly causing some grief in my life. Ideas of what to replace the glass with, or how to go about replacing it? AHHHHH.
That's all.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Done!!
It's always good to listen to my Mother's advice. She's so smart. Her idea to fixing this blasted chair problem was to "go wander around Home Depot." So I did. I had some ideas in mind of how to fix the chair-bottom-falling-out-and-making-people-fall problem I had last weekend. One friend suggested some type of tubing regularly used in screen doors, another (new blogfriend- woot woot!) suggested against wooden dowels, and doubling up on the cording, and Dad suggested superglue. Now that I think about it, I'm surprised he didn't suggest duct tape. Dad fixes a lot of things with duct tape, namely windshield wipers.
Anyway, I wandered around the HD for a bit, all the while trying to look like I knew what I was looking for. I shy away from talking to store associates, especially when at Home Improvement stores. It generally takes me some name dropping to get them to realize I'm not an idiot girl that's never been in there before. And by name dropping, I mean saying words like "crescent wrench", "double-threaded screw", and a phrase like "well, when I was using my power sander the other day..." or "the jigsaw didn't have quite the cut depth I needed..." Anyway. I found myself in the trusty rope and tie-down aisle, and saw the nylon ropes. Hesitant of the ropes, since I had such issues with them the last three times, I spent some time debating, but finally decided on this big, bad mamma jamma.
I sewed only one at first, to make sure it would work. I played this game before, where I sewed multiple pieces, only to realize my efforts were in vain. Lo and behold, Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!! Like a charm. Only problemo this time? I wasn't getting a good stitch next to the cording. I quit for the night, partially defeated, partially jubilant.
A quick internet search the next day made me realize I was just using the wrong tools. It's amazing how easy something can be when using the right tools!! Duh, I needed to use the Zipper foot. See pictures below, and how that allows me to get right up next to the cord for a good, successful stitch.
I busted three out after I figured the correct technique, and BOOM goes the dynamite. I'm done. Ish. (I need to fix the first attempt, and do some touch-up painting to the pink chair.) This project made me want to punch myself in the face. But I'm done. And it will be so nice once the temp drops below 100, and these crazy beetle-things disappear. I can't wait to use my new/old patio set.
Ed put in some hard work, too. Ok, not really. I just really love taking pictures of him. And you should love looking at pictures of him. :)
*k
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