A prayer...

I was reading Beth Moore's book, So Long, Insecurity, this morning and came across this prayer she had written- just a portion of it, actually.

"Lord, come and treat my heart and soul where they have been shattered by loss. No one on earth can esteem the loss of something precious the way You can. You know the pain. You know the unbearable emptiness that can come with loss. You recognize my attempt to fill the void with things that never suffice. You know how my feelings frighten me and how the enemy of my soul would have me believe that I will never be okay. Make a liar out of him, Lord. Do not let him win. Do not let loss win. Be my gain, Lord. Flood my life with purpose and compassion. Be my strength in weakness.

Please do not let me confuse healing with betrayal. Help me to see any place in my life where I'm hanging on to my grief or anger in an attempt to hang on to what I've lost. Grant me the gift of healthy grief that does not fight the pain or the process of healing. Lord, please help me to see where I have suffered a substantial loss that I've never regarded. Where I lost innocence, grant me integrity. Where I lost a relationship, grant me true intimacy. Where I lost a home, grant me an internal, unshakable sense of belonging. Where I've helped someone responsible for my loss, grant me the ability to forgive. Don't stop until You've made a miracle of me.

Lord, help me to learn how to hang on tight to You when my life is rocked by dramatic change. Empower me to trust You and not to panic or fight for control. Help me to stop confusing a change in my circumstances with a change in my security status. You are my security, O God. You are the one sure thing. When everything around me shakes, You are unshakable. Nothing has the propensity to reveal false gods to me like a sudden change in my circumstances. Help me to see them and surrender them instantaneously. Use change to provoke what needs changing in me, Lord, and to increase my appreciation of the only One who is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

This past 12 months of my life has been marked with dramatic change, unspeakable pain, loss, upheaval, and little rest. I cling to the hope, however, that there will be sunshine in my heart once again. And not just for a moment or two during a day of clouds. The sunshine will be as regular and unencumbered as the sun during a Texas summer.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

*k