The Neverending Project

I started this redo project a few weeks ago (okay, maybe a couple of months is more accurate), and it seems to want to continue for the rest of eternity. Some friends of mine were paring down their crowded backyard, and offered up a patio set. Not one to turn down a project (or free fun things), I accepted the gift(s). One patio table with a glass top, and four fabric-backed chairs.

It seemed easy enough: Repaint said furniture, purchase and sew new fabric backs and seats. The painting was the easy part. I just lightly sanded the surfaces, to make sure the paint would stick. And spray paint and I continued our love affair.

The sewing, however, is another story. I got super-lucky with the fabric. It was on the "remnant/ sale" table in the verrry back of the store, and found this outdoor fabric. Originally something like $26 a yard, I got it for $6 a yard.

I originally purchased cording that would be sewn into the edges of the back and bottom panels, then slid into channels that would be screwed on to the chairs and secured in place. After finishing all my sewing, I went outside to grab one of the channel pieces, and BUSSST. The cording was wayyy too small and immediately slipped out of place. Back to the store for round two.

Round two, with larger cording, was an immediate bust as well. Third time's the charm, right? I sewed in the largest cording Joann's had (1mm, I think?), and reassembled the chairs. VIOLA! I even tested them out. Perfecto!!

Cue the arrival of friends and dudes, who apparently weigh more than I do. (I am certainly not complaining about the fact that I weigh less than dudes.) Also cue the immediate bust of the chairs. AGAIN. But seriously. Look how cute this is? I grabbed the beach umbrella, planted some succulents in the mason jars, and instant party!

I'm at a loss as to how I should fix this?! Does anyone have ideas? I've thought of rubber tubing (the kind that is used for screen doors), or wooden dowels. Suggestions?

I need help.

Omg. Omgomgomg

Yesterday was BY FAR the worst eharmony day ever. EVER. But at the same time that all this was happening, I was able to find the humor in it.

So the day started out with Bossman Hambone being a silly old sillyface. Or, as the Bakers say, a stupid old stupidhead.

Move on to match #1- recent, fast-moving kind of guy. He replied very quickly, and soon requested to "chat". So he sent an eharmony email that asked if I would like to gchat or facebook chat. Immediately after that, he closed the match. Ergo, chatting was instantly not an option for him. Mmmkay.

Match #2. Also a fast-mover. In response to my question "Tell me 5 random things about yourself", he thought it was most important for me to know that he is a) very conscious about his weight and b) that he is slightly OCD and hates getting dirty. Perfect.
There were two other silly things that happened, but to protect the innocents, I will refrain from mentioning them.

Then early this morning, I received this match:

The most influential person in my life has been:

There are a few. This may sound kinda corny but Bob Ross was one. He inspired me to be an artist. I love painting and I love art in general and I owe most of that to him.

Really. Bob Ross is the most influential person in your life? How in the world could you leave out John Tesh? Or Richard Simmons? Or Sally Jesse Raphael?
Oh wow. And just in case you were wondering, today will be the last day of eharmony for me. I just can't take it anymore. We're breaking up.

On another note, I'm toying with the idea of writing a book detailing my life thus far, which would involve my stories (book on singleness, patience, waiting on God) that lead up to now. I'm looking for titles for said book and taking suggestions. Here are a few that I've thought of/ received so far:

1. Really? Really.
2. Eharmony and other sh*t.
3. This makes my stomach hurt.
4. Keep calm and have a cupcake

Any ideas?

The adventures of Bossman Hambone.

As long as you're familiar with the workings of Outlook and meeting requests, this will make sense.

So I sent out an update to a previous meeting request that people didn't reply to. As the manager of the "Events" calendar at work, I take these infractions very seriously. Punishable by the withholding of schwag.

Bossman Hambone replied to the event invitation with an email that said he couldn't go. (Along with a very detailed writeup as to why he couldn't go. None of which I am interested in.)

I replied, asking him to reply "no" to the calendar invitation.

He replied to the email with "NO" written in all caps.

What a guy.

Update...

Just got this response from EHarmony.

"I also understand that you would like to receive matches who are normal, socially well-adjusted, and attractive. Please note that we currently do not have a specific setting to send you matches who are normal, socially well-adjusted, and attractive."

Well, that just sucks.

eharmony.

So I did it. I joined eharmony. Except I joined it about 2 months ago. So far, it's been pretty disappointing. Two months have resulted in two dates that failed miserably. The first one was okayish. But the guy asked me to meet him and his friends for brunch at his house for the second date. Um... no. The second date guy didn't even pay for my coffee. Not like I can't buy my own coffee, but I refused the second date offer, thinking I'd have to buy my own dinner. No thanks.

I've gotten matched with the likes of this guy:

(just in case you're wondering, I named that file "omg.jpg" on my computer. It's only fitting.)

And this one too:
The one thing I am most passionate about:
Philosophy paintball medieval fantasy programming theology

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
I can be arrogant

The things I can't live without are:
Jesus's grace
paintball
my family
close friends

Some additional information I want you to know:
I recognize the need to have an open mind but I also recognize that even atheists don't have the mental capacity to comprehend and consider everything and they end up putting there faith in someone or something. For instance they may read a book never going to great lengths to find the facts behind the book and then they don't even realize they too have blind faith in something. I just happened upon christian truth, believed, and am told to develop a relationship with Jesus.

I typically spend my leisure time:
surfing the internet sometimes paintball working on paintball guns
 
FAIL.
 
And so this morning, I took things into my own hands. I wrote them a letter. See below:
I have been very disappointed with the matches I've received; they've been outside my radius, and generally a bunch of weirdos. I'd like to either change my settings to ONLY receive local matches (who are preferrably normal, socially well-adjusted, and attractive men), or to discontinue my membership. Please advise if this is possible.

HouseLove

I moved back to VA just a short 10 months ago. (Seems like a lot less time than that.) When I was looking for a place to live, I had a lot of factors to consider.
1. I did not want a roommate. Ever again. (Except for one that I get to marry.) Therefore, the place had to be cheap enough for me to afford everything solo. Bills, Rent... all of it.
2. It had to be big enough to fit all of my stuff in it. This actually posed to be a challenge, seeing as how I inherited all of my "heirloom" furniture as a 26 year old, and have been schlepping it around since then. I love ALL of it, too. So putting it in a friend's house was a bit out of the question, especially since I didn't think the pieces would survive friend's houses.
3. I wanted a yard for Ed to wander around in. Which ultimately meant, in my heart, I wanted a house. I didn't want to share a wall/ ceiling with a neighbor. Especially one that liked to party with thumpin' thumpin music and/or other things. IfyouknowwhatImean.

Lo and behold, I found this little gem. Sure, it looked like it had been long forgotten and rough around the edges, but I saw something different.  Really, all it needed was some Love. (Don't we all?)

A few gallons of paint, lots of hours in sweat, lots of blisters, planting, planning, and frustrations, here's what the beach cottage looks like today. Well, really, it was yesterday. But it pretty much looks the same today as it did yesterday.

Now I have a cute little place to go home to. And a cute little dog to go home to. Most of the improvements were completed with the help of my cute little parents.

Ima go be cute and little now. (weird.)

*k

Obsession.

My mind/ time has been absolutely monopolized as of late. I really can't get enough. I spend LOTS of time on this website, and it makes me not to look at anything else ever again. You should get an account. And then be my friend. And then we can pin together.

http://pinterest.com/

Body by Ken

I know I promised this weeks ago, but I was too busy getting RIPPED and in shape for swimsuit season. You'll forgive, right? Right.

So. The first morning of Body by Ken, I woke myself up at 5:10am. Ed woke up also, so I had to take him outside to get his business worked out. For those of you who know me, you know that I am not the friendliest in the mornings. In fact, I'm just generally dissatisfied with the idea of not being asleep. I arrive in plenty of time for the start of my new life. Right.

Basically, let's just imagine a yoga-type studio without air conditioner. That's where I spent a lot of time sweating from my face. I don't typically sweat in the facial area, but for these 4 weeks, I did. We spent some time outdoors, running around a Farm Fresh parking lot, running to the Post Office and back, or running to the beach. I got yelled at plenty of times to "catch Brandi! C'mon, Kelly! Catch Brandi!" Brandi is at least 7 inches taller than myself, all legs... and a sprinter. So I felt like punching Ken in the face a few times. He also yelled at me once because I wasn't punching hard enough/ correctly enough. He came up behind me and started yelling in my ear. I almost peed myself, but decided against it.

Anyway, after two weeks, Ken started letting another trainer in on the deal- David. David is an ex-marine, and he made us do exercises that made my ears sweat. I was driving to work this morning and saw David running. Totally thought about turning the car around to ask if he would train me solo. David talked much less than Ken, so with him, the entire hour was spent working out and getting buff. Ken likes to use a lot more motivational words and high-fives.

You might be wondering a bit of the actual schedule of the week. Mondays were legs, Tuesdays were arms, and Thursdays were boxing. And once a week, there would be a weigh-in. So I'm proud to say that after 12 workout sessions and changing my diet up a bit, I LOST POUNDAGE! 1.1, to be exact. Ugh. Not worth it. Ok, it really was worth it. I just don't want to admit it.

Now, I can't exactly give you away all of Ken's secrets. Let's just say it involves a LOT of crunching, pushing up, and running. Also imagine free weights, stretchy bands, and little orange cones.

But for your viewing pleasure, pictures of Ken and Temarcus. I don't know who Temarcus is, but I like saying his name.